Sometimes… the best way to move into the unknown is to take familiar steps… small steps. We’re always going some place new… all the time. Familiar things just let us pretend that we aren’t moving into unfamiliar territory. You take those small familiar steps and you try to be honest not to live as if nothing has changed but still to go on with your life. But there are times when what you need is a piece of how things used to be.
Some people spend their lives hoping for something to happen that will change everything. They look for power…or love…or the answers to the biggest questions.
I think really what they’re looking for is another chance; some other way to lead another life where all the mistakes they’ve made would be erased…and they could just start over. Nothing bad has happened yet and all their possibilities are still infront of them.
People move through their lives sometimes without really thinking about where they’re going. Days pile up and they get sadder and lonelier without really knowing why they’re so sad or hot they got so lonely. Then something happens — they meet someone who looks a certain way or has something in their smile. Maybe that’s all that falling in love is — finding someone who makes you feel a little less alone.
Nothing really spectacular about it..
People come home for a lot of reasons. They come home to remember. They come home because they’ve got no place else to go. They come home when they’re beaten. They come home when they’re proud. They come home looking for a door out into the past, or a road out into the future. People come for a lot of reasons..but they always come home..to say goodbye.
Imagine me if you must. Someone you once knew. Someone perhaps you’d like, or better yet, imagine me…as you.
As a kid, I was thought of as someone who’s out of the ordinary… or maybe, that’s how others tell me. I was…well, cute…and I could sing. People from all places who knew my mom, knew that I could sing…and they’d ask me to. Without hesitation, I would, and that never failed to leave smiling marks on people’s faces. There were people who loved me, and people who… I find so hard to please. At school, during breaks and recess, there was never a day that I wasn’t with anyone, or any friend. I was always surrounded with kids my age. I had friends then, but, I always felt…alone.
I knew there was something wrong, I knew there was something different. Something, out of the ordinary. I was a kid then, I didn’t know anything about life and how to live it, but, something hit me. I came across the line, "the grass is greener on the other side.." but, you see… I never crossed the fence. I was so scared of leaving my comfort zone.. the zone, I had started to learn to live..the zone that everyone else was building.
I never crossed the fence…until that frightful night. The night that felt like it was
the last night of my happy life. That frightful night when I was trapped inside a space…a cell… a chamber. Where all I could see was darkness, and the devil..smiling. Giving me that look of victory over my weariness. There was no one to blame, because really, no one could’ve stopped it. I was drawn into darkness, even though I fought so gallantly to find my way back into the light…back into innocence… I was consumed. It was then that my mind was opened to a whole now world of existence.
Many years have now passed. A lot of things has happened. I was able to graduate from college, got me a job, and then a better one, and a better one. Friends came and some left. New things learned, and some, forcefully forgotten. Lessons 
learned… Good, bad, and wretched-lousy relationships drew their own marks in my life…
With all these things, only this I am most certain: Some injuries can be healed overtime… Some are just too hard to deal with.
Imagine me if you must. Someone you once knew. Someone perhaps you’d like, or better yet, imagine me…as you.
As I woke up, I stretched my hands and legs enough to give my body the morning jolt. The blurry vision made it difficult to really see some white shades of the room, so I focused my attention on the green window curtains. The sun was up, I noticed. I walked towards the door of the house, flipped my cigarette case, got one stick, and gently lit the cigar, making that somewhat crunchy noise as I 
puffed through the stick. Pondering on things, I came across the line, "what is and what should never be…"
Is there such a thing as what-should-never-be? Are there things in my life that I wish never happened to me? Given the chance, would I want to live it differently? Something more…say, classy? Glamorous? Trouble-free, perhaps?
As I puffed through my cigar, I felt heat near my fingers. Sheeesh. It was time to kill the lights off the stick. I walked down the hall, to the refrigerator, grabbed a drink (water, not beer..ehem-ehem) and continued to be evocative of the things in my life that I wished never happened. I started counting…1…2…3…up to 7..and then contemplated more on things and realized the numbers were dropping…7…6…5…4…3…2…1…and finally…zero.
I realized that everything that happened in my life, I’m glad it happened. I wouldn’t be the person I am today, if it weren’t for the those things. And yes, even the part when I got molested. Everything happens for a reason, and nothing happens by chance.
I realized, some things happen to us at the time may seem horrible, painful, and unfair, but in reflection we realize that without overcoming those obstacles, we would never realize and appreciate our potential, strength, and will power.
That made my day. Started it right…and hopefully, will end it right. I had a small grin on my face as I concluded the day’s contemplation.
…Headed for the showers and hoped for the best…
"I have everything I’ve ever wanted, but I wanted the wrong things…"
It’s 12:58am, and here I am, all alone in one of the corners of the office (yeah, I know, I’ve work on Sundays, so what??), thinking if everything I have in my life right now, all of ‘em, are the things that I really wanted.
I remember I was watching TV around late last year. It was around 
And so I paused for a while and started to collect my thoughts…
So you look in the mirror everyday. What do you see? Do you see yourself? Or just parts of you? Do you rail at the image, hoping it will be different, better, more like, someone else’s? Do you tell yourself, "I have everything I’ve ever wanted, but why am I unhappy?" It’s simple. It’s all because you have wanted the wrong things. We have always (well, not really always, but most of the time) wanted the wrong things. We don’t really realize this… not until we actually get what we’ve always wanted.
So…do you still think falling for a line deliverd by a chick, even more, a desperate housewife, is sort of…disturbing???
Think about it…’coz I have.
Some people believe that without history, our lives would amount to nothing. At some point, we all have to choose. Do we fall back at what we know? .. or, do we step forward to something new???
It’s hard not to be haunted by our past. Our history is what shapes us…guides us.
Our history resurfaces time after time…after time…So, we have to remember that…sometimes, the most important history is the history we’re making today.
We all think we are going to be great and we feel a little bit of robbed when our expectations aren’t met. But sometimes our expectations fall short. Sometimes, the expected simply comes to comparison to the unexpected. You gotta wonder why we cling to our expectations because the expected is just what keeps us steady… standing…still…
The expected is just the beginning. The unexpected is what changes our lives.
Sometimes, you think you want to know the truth…until you actually get it.
Sometime, somewhere you’ve heard someone say with conviction,
"There are two kinds of truth…" You might have even said it yourself.
What usually follows is another sip of whatever you’re drinking and then the definitive explanation of the two kinds of truth. Something like (swallow): "there’s the truth that hurts us and the truth that hurts others" or "there are truths of reason, and truths of fact" or, maybe "there are absolute truths and then there are relative truths…"
Wait till I get going! Where was I? Ahh, yes…
There is "the truth of the intellect and the truth of the heart," "the small truth and the great truth," and don’t forget "the literal truth and the poetic truth," but the best one we’ve come accross goes like this: "There are two kinds of truth, the truth you can read in a book and the truth that any fool can see." Actually, if you think about it long enough, it makes no sense to say there are two kinds of truth. The truth will always be the truth… no matter how hard it hits us, no matter how painful it gets… the truth will always be it.
Sometimes, people think they can fool you and say stuff you want to hear… Stuff like, "I like your dress," or "You’re lookin’ good today," or "You take care," or worse…"I Love you." For all we know, what he or she really meant was, "You have a poor sense of fashion (with evil grin)" –> I already have a person in mind for this, or "You look awful but I wanna be nice today so I’ll just say you’re looking good," or "you take care on your way out ‘coz I don’t wanna talk to you ‘coz you’re boring," or worse, "I love you (laughs). I know you want to hear these words so hear them loud and clear baby!! (with evil intention)."
Sometimes… Well, most of the time… It’s not what you say; it’s how you say it. But then again, an actor’s words can be mistaken for the truth. But still, the point remains: TRUTH does hurt, but it will set you free. If you ask me, I would rather have someone be blunt about the truth and say it to my face, than act normal, and then the next minute, everything’s a mess. It’s more difficult that way, you know.
It’s hard to think how people can easily make up words and say these to you. Making you believe it’s the truth, but as time passes by, you realize, it’s not. They were just words put together to make you feel like heaven at that exact moment, where he or she sees that your door of vulnerability has been opened. At that moment, you suddenly feel that everything’s true… until… until you come to that day… that dreadful day, that you then realize, everything was a lie…and then you realize, sometimes, you think you want to know the truth, until you actually get it. The truth will set you free, but first it will make you miserable.
Sometimes, you think you want to know the truth, until you actually get it.
